Saturday, May 29, 2010

Change

To say that I don't like change is severe understatement. I resist change with every fiber of my being. My resistance most likely stems from issues resulting from Autism, but it is an integral facet of my personality and existence. Unfortunately for me, however, I live in a world that requires constant change. My family moves around a lot and having moved, they invariably begin the process of adapting to our new surroundings. It is the process of adapting or changing to which I object.

Most change begins with an announcement of impending doom; for example, "You need new shoes", or "We're buying you a new desk." It doesn't matter whether my shoes have been an inch too short for my feet for several weeks or if I've been balancing my desktop on empty moving boxes for months. I do not want to change them. I don't want new shoes or a new desk. The announcement triggers the process. It's the alarm bell to my system that says, "Hey! Stop that!”

I am an active resister. I complain. And then, I complain some more. There is generally quite a bit of whining involved. I dismiss ideas out of hand. The desk is too small or the shoes too uncomfortable. I know what I’m doing, but I am unable to stop myself. I tell myself that I could completely stop if I wanted to and that I just don’t want to. I’m lying. I really can’t stop it.

I notice that I’ve gotten quite a bit more self aware about these things. I know that I’ll probably like whatever it is we’re changing at some point in the future. I hate it now – but I’ll fight to keep it at that future time when it too will need to be replaced.